Hiding behind a false image

Understanding likability and the law of attraction is important; however, simply “getting†the concept is only a fraction of what it takes to make real change. Implementing strategies will be easier said than done.

I have a good idea of how I would like to be perceived by society, but I’m failing miserably when it comes to making changes in the real world. There is more going on here than meets the eye.

The concept of desirability is complicated because there are many things coming together at once to create the final package. The law of attraction happens on so many levels; some, we don’t even understand. Amazingly, most people that have this down pat are probably not preoccupied with the details of how they manage to naturally attract others. It’s as if not caring is one of the main ingredients.

And that’s the key it seems. Could it be that not caring does more for your desirability than anything else? Do you automatically increase your “value†in the eyes of others when you speak your mind and don’t give things away for free? Could it be that you are more respected because you are thought to be more genuine than someone who habitually agrees with everyone and tries to be liked by all?

In my mind, not caring (to some extent) serves two purposes: One, you are more relaxed, and this allows your true personality to shine. Two, people will perceive you as being confident and having high self-esteem – a combination that will surely increase your desirability.

Just to clarify: When I say “not caring,†I am speaking in terms of not worrying about how I am perceived by the rest of society. I don’t mean to imply that I don’t care about others. Yes, it is still possible to be that nice guy without being submissive. I’m sure that by trying to be liked by everyone, I am showing people just how shallow and insincere I really am. Being kind and having a nice-guy reputation can certainly go hand-in-hand with self-confidence – and in fact, self-confidence renders those traits more valuable and believable.

Bottom line: There is a difference between hiding behind a nice-guy image and actually being that nice guy.

Ditching that protective layer won’t be easy. I’m sure I’ll realize that I won’t be able to have the best of both worlds and that I’ll have to decide if putting up with a little resistance from others is worth it. Will it be worth it? Yes, most definitely. The nice-guy routine is getting old and has never done me any favors. I want to be able to show the world my true personality. I hate projecting myself as some mute guy that nods his head, smiles and agrees with everything. I feel I am shortchanging myself.

So, that’s my goal. And yes, I realize that my submissive personality is a direct result of my social anxiety problems, and that it might be nearly impossible to change gears this late in life; but I want to say I tried at least.

The most important thing now is that I truly believe in myself. If I can do that, others might start to believe also.

Read more at: http://shyandquiet.com/2007/04/03/hiding-behind-a-false-image/.